Conference Wars – Episode IV (New Hope)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

It is a period of civil war. Rebel
workplace blogs, striking from a hidden
base, have won their first victory
against the evil Corporate Empire.

During the battle, Rebel spies managed
to steal secret plans to the Empire’s
ultimate weapon, the workplace conference, an
armoured space conversation with enough
power to destroy an entire building.

Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents,
workplace consultants race home aboard the
tube, custodians of the stolen plans
that can save their clients and restore
freedom to the galaxy…

Darth-Stewie-Family-GuyIt’s that time of year again when the evil corporate empire gather their storm troopers in preparation for yet another assault against the workplace rebels. The massed ranks of uniformed, suited and booted workplace troops share their evil plans to stifle and crush the rebels ideas, once and for all. The corporate empire has the resources and discipline to mobilise huge forces against any unconventional opposition. Chief amongst their weapons is the combined power of all their spread sheets, info graphics and survey results into one almighty focussed workplace conference, capable of immense destruction on a massive scale.

Will the corporate empire achieve their evil financial goals of increased productivity, whilst at the same time reducing property overheads? Will they demonstrate through the sinister use of a donut graph that peace in the galaxy can only be achieved through an easy to complete satisfaction survey? Will they increase flexibility in the galaxy by removing your home planet, thereby allowing you to collaborate with alien intelligences, and use any unoccupied planet?

Has the empire finally cracked the rebels’ communications code, will their leader, darkly cloaked, and masked in self-reverence, reveal that the workplace rebels will fail if they cannot produce their own ultimate info graphic. Will the rebels lack of peer-reviewed data be their downfall, or will they win the battle of good over evil by harnessing ‘The Farce’, the invisible energy that binds every workplace conference together.

Credit: George Lucas & Family Guy.