Is the Pope a Catholic? New Research

In a ‘collaborative’ effort between workplace consultants, academics and their recent clients in London. It’s been announced today that a new peer reviewed study has been completed with a significant test group across multiple market sectors to determine a definitive answer to this important and often misunderstood question.

If the pope was indeed a Catholic, could such a bold assertion really be stated with certainty? Has the new research, field studies and carefully recorded observations solved this vexing metaphysical question once and for all? Many attempts have been made in the past to ask this most obvious of questions, to determine whether or not the pope was indeed a ‘Catholic’, and although many of us naively took it at face value that he was, some sceptics in the workplace consulting field felt that if such a statement were to be believed and have any wider credibility, it would need to be proven beyond all reasonable doubt, and illustrated with statistical results.

CatholicThe first observation was that the statement was in English and that ‘Ist der Papst katholisch’, and ’es el papa católico’ were perhaps true and with similar meaning but that misunderstandings could arise out of errors in translation, especially from non European, Asiatic or pictorial languages. Nobody in the research team really understood 是一所天主教的?

The definition of the word ‘is’ was the next challenge. The 3rd person singular present of ‘be’ (Verb). A question relating to the state of being. The team were agreed on the first word in the question and its relationship to the state of being and uniqueness of the noun ‘Pope’. The word ‘The’ was agreed fairly early on in the project to refer to a person, place or thing that is unique. The ‘Pope’ being defined and understood to mean ‘Head of the Roman Catholic Church’.

The researchers discovered that the adjective ‘a’ could denote a quantity of a thing used with units of measurement, as well as referring to something or someone for the first time in a text or conversation. So one could reasonably say in mathematical terms that 1x Pope = ‘a’ Pope. Any more and one would have to use numerical language and of course the plural of Pope is ‘Popes’. Coincidentally a topical dilemma with which the Vatican is currently grappling. The noun ‘Catholic’ was readily agreed to mean a member of the Roman Catholic Church, and refers to specific traditions in Christian churches in theology, doctrine, liturgy, ethics and spirituality.

The research team then focused their efforts on two key facts, namely that ‘The Pope’ was indeed a member of the Roman Catholic Church, and secondly that as head of the Roman Catholic Church, he was by all reasonable observations deemed to be a practicing ‘Catholic’. Despite his unexpected resignation during the observation period. The team concluded after much analysis and debate that the pope is indeed a Catholic.

The research team are currently looking for sponsorship from the workplace/occupier community into the equally vexing question of bears activities in woods.

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